Bringing Up Botty
by regertz
Summary: At a Writer's Convention, a certain poet is thrown into the most bizarre of his adventures...


"Bringing Up Botty..."

Summary: At a Writer's Convention, a certain poet is thrown into the most bizarre of his adventures...

Part I...

Amherst, Massachusetts...

The 150th annual International Convention of the Global Literary Society...Dedicated to the best in World Fiction...

Usually...

But this also being a time of global recession...Some writers and works of more...Popular...Appeal...Are presently featured...

After all, as the organizer of this conference, Professor Felix Killey, notes to a distinguished visitor and old friend...One Rupert Giles, by name...

We didn't survive 150 years by not occasionally bowing to the vox populi...

"And if you vouch for the work, Rupert..."

"Felix..." Giles sighed, sipping his scotch and soda, leaning back in his leather chair... "I only said this one would certainly catch the 'Twilight' wave...I made no promises as to literary merit…"

"Rupert…As one old academic to another…Since when has 'literary merit' had anything to do with gross book sales…" Killey grinned…

A figure strode by their chairs, revealed by a parting of the small crowd of academics, dedicated book lovers, and a fair mix of readers obviously attracted by the subject of tonight's special books  
launch...A brown haired, slight fellow in tweed who Giles blinked at as he passed...

Hmmn?...No...

Impossible...

"Oh, there's Walthrop..." Felix nodded at the figure, now stopping by a table...Eyeing the pile of books displayed...Picking one up...Eyeing the face on the cover...

Oh, God...

No...No, it can't be…

"Walthrop?..." Killey called...

Hmmn...The addressed spun round, looking...Keeping the book in hand

My God...Giles blinked...

And glasses?...

"William, come and join us..." Killey waved...

Walthrop staring as well...His eyes meeting Giles'…

Oh, no...It's true He glanced at the book again...The last place I ever thought I would endure this…

Five years, happily buried and secure in my obscurity...

Shot to Hell in an instant...

"Spike?..." Giles rose, staring...

"Oh, you know Walthrop?..." Killey smiled from his chair...

"Ah, right...Of course His soulless period...You met in the course of that..."

"In a manner of speaking..." Giles sighed... Reluctantly extending hand... "How are you, Spike?..."

"Walthrop, Giles...Spike is a demon in Hell William'll do in a pinch..." Will took the hand with equal reluctance...

"Long time no see?..." Killey suggested... Teasing tone, twinkle in eyes…

"Considerable..." Giles nodded, frowning at Killey briefly... "Have you been here all this time?...How?..."

"LA mostly until a year ago Then here, thanks to Dr. Killey Andrew Wells didn't tell you?..." William looked at Giles carefully... "I can't believed he kept my secret all this time..."

"Well, yes..." Giles shrugged... "He called me from the plane home...But I didn't know you'd survived the battle with the Partners, let alone moved to Amherst, Massachusetts..."

"I wanted a change and a chance to resume my old life...My boy needed more than a vamp turned superhero for a father..." Will looked down at the book he'd picked up...

"Boy?..." Giles started...

"I rescued Will Jr. from some demons who'd bought him from his human parents for a sacrifice..." Will, still eyeing book in hand...

"She's here...?" he held up the book...

"Surprise..." Killey smiled...

"Felix?..." Giles frowned...

"William told me all about his past 'career', Rupert...What little I, as a member of the Council for the US, didn't know, anyway..."

"You might have told me, Felix..." William frowned in turn...

"Would you have come tonight, then?..." Killey grinned... "And as long as we're going this route in order to keep our more academic pursuits in the black for another year, I wanted all our blockbuster authors  
here..."

"You've written a memoir?..." Giles eyed Will...

"Just an account of my years as Spike, no Council or Slayer secrets exposed, you can tell the assassins to hold off...While it's meant to be taken as fiction, I'd actually hoped it might have some merit in  
helping the other resouled...May be even a little literary value..." William sighed...

"And it does...But there's nothing wrong with putting our best foot forward on opening night..." Killey smiled... "And you folks, thanks to current popular taste a'la Hollywood, are it..."

"I'm sure your teenaged daughter can't wait to read us both..." Will grumbled...

"As a matter of fact she wanted your autograph on her copy..."

"This is why you were so insistent on having us come?...On publishing the book here?..." Giles shook his head...

"You did say you were anxious not to put her memoir into a publisher's hands not acquainted with the situation..." Killey pointed out... "If we eke out a minor benefit from it while keeping her out of the worst  
of the public grind..."

"You're a scheming cad, Felix..." Giles sighed... "William, I honestly didn't know..."

"It's fine..." William shrugged...Turning to a passing waiter to grab a glass of white wine... "I should've known Dr. Killey was planning to milk this to the max...Having attended his lectures on the marketplace  
and the great authors..."

"Crest of the wave, Walthrop...Neither Shakespeare nor Dickens ever worried about their dignity when earning a dollar...They just wrote their hearts out and grabbed all they could..."

Killey signaled a waiter for a refill on his own scotch, straight up...

"And if the dear folks in Hollywood choose to offer us an opportunity...I'd say we musty old academics are due to shake out a little for ourselves...Seeing how our labors have benefitted them over the decades "

"Right..." William sighed... "Well?..." he turned to Giles, raising book again... "Nice cover...Is she here?..."

"She was about to meet some reporters...Wait..." Giles eyed the book... May I?...He asked, taking the book at Walthrop's nod...

"Felix?..." he looked at Killey... "Did you change the title...?"

Killey gave a smile...Shaking head... "Why no...But that's not hers..."

"Not hers...?" Giles frowned, opening at the rear cover...

"What?..." he blinked... "Felix?..."

"What...?" William stared...

"What?...Oh, my God! Hey!...Will!..." a voice cried...

He felt himself lifted...Twirled...A number of the room's occupants staring...A couple either in the know as Council members or readers smiling...

"Will, oh Will?...The professor said you would be here!...Golly..."

"Buffy..." William gasped...Eyeing the blonde girl in black evening dress now spinning him round, several feet off the floor...Setting him down...

"...You look...Ridiculous in that suit...What have you been up to?...I just read your book!...Oh, Will!..." crushing hug...

"Yes, ummn..."

"Come on..." she pulled him along...

"Felix..." Giles hissed... "How the devil...?"

"Wasn't me..." Killey grinned... "That's one determined girl...I just happened to hear from a friend of mine in Japan who'd been helping her...An engineer who I'd consulted on Council business before..."

"Will!..." Giles tried...Waving...

"That's not..."

"Oh...My...God..." Buffy in white gown, emerging from another room, bored looking male reporter...Yeah, yeah...Another book of occult "adventures" nobody can prove...Very imaginative, right...At her side... Stared at her twin...And what she had firmly in hand...

"Oh, hi Buffy..." Botty nodded... "Nice to see you again...Come on, Will..." she dragged the stunned Walthrop along...Hurriedly

***  
"Hey!..." Buffy cried...After a stunned moment...Botty and William already out of the main hall...The robot pulling William down the corridor outside

"Come on, we can duck in here..." Botty pulled William into a small room off the hallway...

"Phew..." she grinned...Peeking out the door as a still stunned William stared at her...

"We probably better go out that way..." she pointed... "You know Buffy'll sniff us out if we stay in a few...What?..."

"Botty?..." he stared...

"Hey, I like that...I normally use Buffy, but that's a good nick..." she grinned... "Come on, we gotta move...Unless you want to give her a chance to get you finished off..."

She paused... "Did I hear right when I was eavesdropping on Giles before I confirmed it was you And detected Buffy coming?...Sorry, I wanted to know the lay of the land before I swooped...You gotta  
kid?...Adopted?..."

"Ummn...Yeah..."

"Wow..." she beamed... "And I know you're a terrific father...Come on, lets vamoose...I want some private time before The Law comes to town..." she pulled him along...

"Botty?...How..."

"Tell ya everything as soon as we get outta here...Ooops...My counterpart at four o'clock...Bird dog mode..."

"What?..."

"She's in the corridor, on the hunt...Run!..." she yanked...

"William!..." a yell from the hallway...

"So, I know you didn't have time to read it but did you like the cover photo on my book?...I set up the artwork for the photo..." Botty noted as she pulled William through the rear door...

"Bringing Up Botty..."

Summary: At a Writer's Convention, a certain poet is thrown into the most bizarre of his adventures...

Disclaimers: Disclaimers?...We ain't got no disclaimers…I don' need to show you no disclaimers…No, Joss, no!...It's all yours and ME's!...

Though Mort still gets nothing…

Archived sooner or later at the Buffy Rebecca verse, .com, Cicelyverse page, . but always premiered here at .

Part II...

"Ok, ok..." William had pulled free as they reached a black car in the parking lot... My Prius...Bought it just a month ago...Botty noted proudly...

"We'd best get going..." she insisted, unlocking doors... "Unless you'd rather stay with Buffy..." she eyed him...Tone a hair downcast...

"What I'd like is..." he began...

"Oh, shit..." Botty threw the passenger door open and pushed him in, slamming the door, which she'd locked manually... "Here she comes..."

Before he could break the lock, she was inside, starting...

"Will?...I know you can bust out if you want, but please...Take a ride with your ole sex bot..." she looked at his annoyed face, wan smile...

"You owe me that much...And it is my first car Don't break it first time out..."

"I thought we had a book launch tonight?...Apparently all three of us?..."

"Yeah Well, we'll be back before things get going...I promise..." she waved a hand, turned head, looking out the rear...

"Fine...Drive..." he gave up...Lurching forward as she floored it back on his "Fine.." and spun out of the space...Barely braking in time to avoid colliding with a car behind them...Flooring it with a quick spin  
in forward...He crashed back…

"Don't kill anyone...That's an order...!" he tried...

"So masterful..." she grinned... "But I'm one liberated bot now..."

He looked behind, out the rear window...Buffy racing through a maze of cars...Looking...Seeing...

"Hold on!..." Botty called...Dodging two cars just pulling into the main lot...Racing through a descending gate bar...

Buffy still coming on, gaining speed but clearly falling behind...

"She'll go for a car in a moment...But once I get into the streets here we should be ok...Like a maze these little western Mass towns..."

"Ok?..." William asked... "What, is she angry with me?..."

"Probably a little...But she'd mostly want to dismantle me, for taking you..." Botty grinned, looking at him... "But first come, first..."

"Eyes, girl...!" he told her...Blanching at the truck bearing down on them…

"I have ultrasonic tracking...Don't worry..." she noted... "And way improved over what Mearsy built in...Thanks..."

"For what?..." he looked at her Still trying to take it all in

"For coming fairly quietly and letting me ruin your evening...You looked set to hobnob..." she noted as they sped along...She now staying within a reasonable approximation of the speed limit...

"You did say we'd get back in time...And I don't hob or nob that well...Never did…"

"You sure look the part...English professor...?" she turned into a side street, passing homes, driving quite sedately now...

"Modern Lit...Felix...Dr. Killey has Council connections...Angel arranged it for me when I wanted to get out of LA..."

"I know...Except the details " she eyed his look... "I know Felix too...He really came through for me when I was stuck in Japan...You know, he was quite the Council field guy once...Ran his own Slayer  
about five years before Nikki..."

Sorry...She caught his wince... "Not good to bring up old Slayers, I should've known better..."

She turned into a side street with poor lighting... "I think we can talk now...So...?"

"So what the hell is my old sex bot doing here?...With a book launch?...On the same day, Buffy happens..."

"Felix wanted all three launched on the same day...Bigger impact..."

"As in heart attack?...Wait?..." he paused...

"I accept the apology..." she cut in, arch look...The "old sex bot" crack?...she noted...

"I mean She didn't know...?"

"At least say you apologize for the 'old', Will..." she grinned...Pulling over...

"Fine, sorry..What now...?"

"I want my hands free..." she embraced him...Pulling him to her...

"Girl..." he gasped...She kissed him, deeply...

"...I've been waitin' for that a long time..." she sighed, releasing...

"At least say you liked it..." she looked at his face...

"The kidnapping or the assault?..."

"Both..." Grin...

"Wait..." his eyes narrowed... "I knew the bot's aura pretty well..."

"I hope so, after all the times we had...Different?...But not Buffy's,eh...?" smile... "Though I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me 'the'...Makes me sound thingy...Botty's fine..."

"No, not Buffy's...And not exactly human...But not the same...And..."

"A pretty good approximation of human..." she nodded... "I've been upgraded, obviously...And it shows...Don't it?..." somewhat wistful smile...

"Girl...When last we saw each other..."

"I was in pieces, headed for the dumpster...Yeah..."

"Willow...I did ask her..." he began...A bit sheepish...

"I know and I appreciated..." she patted his hand... "I was still recording everything for my data archive...But I wasn't quite ready to kick the bucket, whatever her diagnosis...Guess I got a lot of Summers in me at that..."

"How?..." he looked her over...

"I came to in the LA dump...For a moment...Just long enough to put my central core into hibernation..." she said... "Some clown of a demon found me and thought I'd look good in his lair, guess he thought I was somebody's Slayer mannequin or something...He loved stacking me up on what he'd found of my parts, prowling through the dump, and dancing round... 'I vanquished the Slayer', that sort of thing...But one day a buddy of his noticed I had circuitry and figured it would be fun to see if plugging me in got the doll speakin'...That gave me enough power to reboot...I shocked my 'vanquisher' unconscious that night  
with 50000 volts, crawled out with my good arm, my loose remaining parts in a bag with strap in my teeth and never looked back..."

Grin at his stare…

"Though it did take a while to get myself back together... 'Fraid I had to practice a lil' Spike to get the job done...Nothing very bad, just a few whoppers and a little financial manipulation via the  
Net..."

"Why didn't you...?"

"Call my old master, like some retro version of Barbara Eden?...A leetle hard with only a head and upper torso and one arm...Besides, I didn't know where to reach you...Your crypt never did have a phone  
installed...While we're at it why didn't you call Buffy?..."

"I had my reasons...Say...Did she send you here to ask?..."

"Now you are gettin' me a wee bit pissed...I don't need to do Buffy any favors..." she said, coolly... "I'm not a programmed doll, William...I came here of my own free will..."

"Excuse me...?"

"I could question the free will and human status of a souled vampire, you know..." she noted, with frown... "For the moment, grant me the benefit of the doubt..."

"Anyway, free will's in the eye of the beholder..." she continued... "Do you act on free will, personal choice, or is it decided for you by those bizarre little biochemical reactions going on in your  
skull?...One could ask..."

"All right, concede the point and well put..." he nodded... "So why?..."

"Thank you…Took me years to get into some kind of working order...I like to think it was my own slow climb to a soul..." she smiled warmly now... "Though it wasn't till I shipped myself to Japan and met  
Felix's friend Dr. Hondku that I had my own true soul quest..."

"A soul…You've confirmed a soul?..."

"Have you?..." she frowned... "I found a magics guy once my processors were upgraded to the max...After reading about you and your soul quest on the Net...Occult sites...No secrets from the endless supply of  
geeks posting every rumor..." she explained "He found me a spell for pulling a lost Buffy soul from the infinite..."

Parallel universes...She explained... There's an infinite supply and in a few at least, Buffy's soul needs a new home...Never born, killed too early...Drained out of her by some foe...Vamped by a bad dating  
choice…

Ummn…Angelus of course…she lied to his perturbed look…

"I like to think mine is the one that tried to rescue you and got killed doin' it...But never quite gave up..."

"A soul...A Buffy soul...?"

"I think so...But..." she shrugged... "Who knows?...Maybe the fellow was conning me...In any case, you feel my aura's more human...And I feel like I'm a human soul...I feel therefore I am souled..." she said, grandly...Frowning at his stare…

"I didn't steal it from a living Buf, you know...I'm sure it was glad to have even a roboBuffy to call home after drifting round the void for God knows how long..."

"And you wrote a memoir...?"

"When I grew upgraded I decided I wanted to be a writer like my old boyfriend..." coy smile... "Felix suggested this as a good start when I was writing him while recuperating in Japan...And that it might  
catch your interest...He didn't know then you'd be coming to Amherst for a teaching job...But once you did..."

"He urged me to write mine...Just so he could have both...Hell, all three...At once?..."

"He's a romantic...And a very shrewd businessman...Under that tweedy professorial bit..."

"And you came..."

"Got a book to launch...And I wanted to see the love of my life again...And tell him so..."

"Girl..."

"If I'd been ready and in the US...I would've been in LA that day..." she stared into his eyes... "When I heard...I'd been in a shipping crate en route to Hong Kong for a new type of minigyroscope before I  
went on to Tokyo...Claiming in my letters to the companies to be some billionaire's bot toy...Even without my processor upgrade...I was devastated...I couldn't cry tears but...I wept for you..."

"And when I heard...Oh, God..." she paused... "That you and poor ole Angel had made it..."

"Nothing stopped me from getting myself back in shape...Enhanced...And, as I say, as souled as I could be..."

"Worthy…" she added, quietly regarding his face…

"Buffy...Botty, I mean...Sorry..."

"Buffy's fine..."

"But you're not..."

"Is she?..." Botty eyed him... "The Buffy you dreamed of, I mean?...The one who'd save you from what Dru made you...Who'd help you find a way back?...I know that's what you hoped, all that was left of  
you in Spike when you found her in Sunnydale...Is she the one you hoped for?...The girl who used you and beat you and left you to die..."

"She asked me to come back with her...She made me no promises..."

"Oh, really?..." careful, shrewd glance…

Well, ummn… "Nothing that I'd hold her to…"

"Great...So she has no claim on you then..."

"Meaning?..."

"Meaning...Whatever..." another coy smile...

"I was only expectin' to sign some books tonight...I didn't expect a pick up..."

"I noted five elevated female libidos when they looked your way...I think you'd've been hit on tonight...Though I hope...You're taken, for tonight..." she smiled, a bit wanly...

"What about the girl we're hidin' from...?"

"She wants to chat and see how you made out...We can do that later..."

"Botty..."

"Ok..." she shrugged...Brittle tone... "I'll take you back...Sorry to have taken up your time..."

"Girl...You haven't asked me what I want...And don't you think you owe yourself a chance to consider if I'm really worth the..."

"I've had five lovers..." she cut in... "God, I knew souled Will would say something like that and I wanted to make sure everything was in workin' order...Plus Dr. Hondku was the same way, thought I needed to  
'experience other relationships'...Three were great guys...One was a maniac...I had to kill him when he attacked me, found out he'd been a serial killer...One was ok, but kinda dull...And I considered living  
alone...Free...Hear me roar...But I wasn't happy with that either...My ole programs are deleted so it's not that...As for any residual effect of my sex bot days...Lord knows you've been lookin' for Mrs. Walthrop,  
dear ole mum, in me...Buffy, I mean...Since you met her, you good mum's boy you..."

"Five?..."

"Yeah...How's Harmony by the way?..."

"Resouled and hated my guts for a year, then forgave me for the kid's sake...Hates Buffy's too by the way, for not helping her...Lord, don't tell me that was on YouTube?..."

"Next time beware security videos...I'd've gladly staked her to give her peace..." narrow look..."You're not with her?...Felix said you didn't have You weren't seein' anyone..."

"I'm not her type, thank God..."

"Really?..." beam...

"So...Five lousy lovers and you want a worse?...A vamp who created you to be an eternal insult to his foe, the Slayer...?"

"I said three were very nice...Just not a lost soul who ran to the one he dreamed could save him...And ended by sacrificing himself for her, rather than being helped...Did you love Buffy?...You, I mean...Not  
Spike..."

"I thought so... But don't sentimentalize me...I didn't stop Spike for an instant..."

"We'll make me or Buffy a vamp sometime and see how she or I does...If you can still feel you loved her...That it wasn't some kind of weird thing from Spike's nature...Why not believe that I could love  
you...Even without programs 1-100..."

"And Buffy Summers...?"

"Did she come looking for you?...Did she pull you out of that amulet with Willow's help?...Did she try to help you when you were sitting in Sunnydale High School's basement, insane?...Anyway..." she put up a  
hand... "I don't expect an answer tonight... I don't want one...Yet...It's too soon to expect you to settle the course of your existence..."

"Oh...?...Well...Gee...Thanks..."

"Just wanted to see you, natch...Before she starts in...And see if you might like to hang out after the launch... 'Sides, she might've tried to dismantle me if she'd seen me first..."

"She may not want to even see me...Just surprised that I survived...Why would she want to dismantle you?..."

"Yeah...I agree..Best you both move on..." high-mindedly… "And God knows, I know a nice girl ready and willin' to help you forget...Ummn...The insult, you know..." brightly... "Obscene, didn't she call me once?..."

"Unfortunate choice of words...But, she meant them for Spike, anyway, not you...I'll speak to her..."

"Oh...I don't think that's a good idea, Will..." she shook her head..."Just get her madder...Reminding her of the degradation...I wouldn't stand a chance... Wait for the light, jackass!..." she howled at the car stopping short as she raced past...

Phew, she eyed the terrified male driver...Hasn't caught up with us yet...

"But..."

"She won't try anything if we get back first, out in the open And when she sees you're with me tonight..." Slight eye roll... "She'll probably..." Ummn... "Accept the sit...Not really caring anyway...It's  
just the idea of me that might get her stirred up...You gotta protect me, Will..." pleading glance...

"But I should speak with her...I think... I'm sure I could get her to listen to..."

"Plenty of time..." hand wave... "Later...Well, we've caught up and there's books to push Lets head back..."

"Just a mo..." he frowned... "You deliberately led Buffy out of there, didn't you?..."

"Sorry...I've a good self preservation motivator...Remember when I led the demon gang right to Willow, looking for her to do repairs?...Naturally I didn't want her taking me apart before I'd even had a chance to see you...Sorry for not wanting to be in pieces before my first book hits the shelves..."

"Are you?..." he frowned again... "You're trying to keep her from speaking to me, aren't you?..."

"Moi?..." she frowned in turn... "What, next you claim Giles ordered me to, to protect her from you?..."

"No...I'd say you did it on your own..." stern glance...

"Thanks..." beam... "Glad to know you grant me that much humanity...Oh, come on..." she glared at his stare... "I've been through roboHell for years, you know...I wanted a little time...I sure deserve it, bucko..."

"You could've come by before...Why tonight?..."

"Actually..." she sighed... "I wanted to, but I only got the new arm last week...Back order on the artificial skin for it...To tell the truth, Felix'd told me a little about Will, Jr. and I didn't want to scare him...Plus this is the first day I'm fully complete and everything's up and running...Exceptin' a few seam scars, but they'll  
heal fast...I wanted to look my best and I couldn't not try and have my mo before Buffy came waltzin' in..."

"Very flattering..."

"I always knew how to appeal to your ego..." she lifted her head to eye him, straight on, grinning..."You big bad boy, you..." "I thought you deleted those programs..."

"Sure...But I did printout everything...I needed a few good lines for dating..."

"Then all those five were idiots..."

"Hey...I stuck with humans, at least..."

"Speaking of which..Seriously, what's Buffy going to do when she catches up with you after you grabbed me like that?..."

"Hopefully, my big strong Champion will defend me...Oh, hell..." she grinned... "She'll probably be grateful I'm around to keep you from pestering her too much..."

"Yeah..." curt nod...

She sighed... "Will, you know I don't mean that...I'm still learning this interactin' thing...But I did so much want to see you tonight...And I knew if she got hold of you first..."

"No, you're right...No problem there...She'd just want me out of her hair..."

"Don't be unfair..." she insisted...Frowning... "God, now I'm speakin' for her when I wanted..."

"Hmmn?..."

"...to make my case..."

"As I said, I'm flattered...But..."

"Crap...Always a 'but' with you since the soul..."

He stared...

I monitored the 'Net constantly for you...She grinned... "Got that whole year on video clips from geeks who viewed you and Buffy from the corners...You'd be amazed what they got..."

"Horrified, more like it..."

"I found nothin' to be 'horrified' by in those bedroom scenes...Buffy tried hard of course, but..."

"What?..."

"Congrats, Spike and Buffy were a sensation...Though the kid had no idea what to do half the time...Don't you watch YouTube?..."

"Is that supposed to be...?"

"What?... You want me to praise her skills?...Besides, I honestly think we were better at it..."

"Great...No doubt she wants to dismantle me as well…" he sighed...

"What did you mean about souled Will?..."

"You came home and gave up…" she eyed him… "Not even the 'help me with my redemption' bit an Angel would try…"

"I didn't 'give up'…I still loved her…It's just…" "You didn't believe in her…" she nodded… "And she sure did her best to confirm that…God, what was that crap with the 'tough love' when you were insane…I nearly called her up to yell at her…"

"She wasn't…"

"Even a 'just friend' would've gotten you outta there right away…"

"Buffy had a lot of things going on…Resurrection issues, First Evil… Anyway, I knew it was wrong to think she'd…"

"If I coulda come to Sunnydale then, after I saw what was going on…"

"That was on You Tube, too?..."

"Some…And some geeks had private video at their sites…"

"Lord, remind me to get some kind of restraining order…But she did help me later…"

"I woulda helped you sooner…" she said, quietly…

He smiled a bit wanly… Girl…

"And then the Mouth battle?..."

"Buffy, you know she had no choice…"

"She had Willow…If I'd had Willow…"

"I believe you…" he smiled…Warmly now…

"Aw, Will…" grin…

"I still need to speak with her..."

"Now you need to speak with her?...Now?..." frown…

"Well, maybe she needs to speak with me..."

"Yeah...?" Botty, defeated tone...

"Girl, as you said...A bit soon to decide my existence..."

"I was lying...Decide now..."

"Botty?..."

"Can't blame a robogirl for tryin', Will..." she grinned, a bit  
sadly... "I'll take you back now..." resigned look as she started the engine...

But he caught her satisfied glance about...No sign of her yet, phew...

Dr. Killey noted the return of two of his star performers with relief...

"Where's...?" Giles eyed the dress...Black, right...

"You can't tell except for the dress, can you Giles...?" she beamed...

"Where is Buffy?..." he frowned...

"She'll be along, you know her..." Botty waved a hand... "Oooh, is that champagne?...Hey, over here, garcon..."

"Felix?..." Giles turned to his friend... "How could you do this without warning me?..."

"God, it wasn't easy, Giles..." Botty grinned... Downing one of two glasses of champagne...

"Bottoms' up, Walthrop..." she passed a glass to him...Sighing at his stern look...

"Pretend you're happy to see me at least...I didn't abandon you..."

"Whatdaya mean, abandoned...?" Buffy's voice, annoyed...

I get no kick from champagne tonight...Botty thought...Sighing...

"Bringing Up Botty..."

Summary: At a Writer's Convention, a certain poet is thrown into the most bizarre of his adventures...

Disclaimers: Disclaimers?...We ain't got no disclaimers…I don' need to show you no disclaimers…No, Joss, no!...It's all yours and ME's!...

Though Mort still gets nothing…

Archived sooner or later at the Buffy Rebecca verse, .com, Cicelyverse page, . but always premiered here at .…

Part III…

At Dr. Killey's and Giles' urging the happy reunion had moved to a small conference room off the main floor of the conference area

"Listen, you bimbonic hunk of plastic " Buffy hissed

"Not any more " Botty smiled "Totally living flesh on a special nutrient biofilm It's sorta like an artificial muscle membrane Of course I'm titanium alloy in the skeleton "

"I don't give a flying f if you're pure diamond " Buffy glared

"The years have coarsened her..." Botty noted to Will

"Shut up!..."

"No " Botty replied coolly, gleam in the eye "I wouldn't shut up for William without good reason and full explanation why God knows I won't for you "

"William?..." Buffy turned to him

"I'm not her owner, Summers "

"Just of me heart, dearest " Botty grinned Fondly putting hand on shoulder

"William?...Tell her to stop that " Buffy frowned...

"I'm not a bot either, Buffy Nor a sex slave vampire "

"I didn't say that William?...Did I ever say that?..." Buffy, a tad sheepish now...Eyeing Botty's delicate gloved hand on his shoulder...

Where mine oughta be...Dark look...

"Aren't we supposed to be getting introduced in ten minutes..?" Botty noted... "Come on, sweetheart..." gentle tug...

"Will?..." Buffy gasped...

"I do think we should discuss this later, people..." Dr. Killey noted...

"Yeah, three literary careers at stake here, Buf..." Botty pointed out... "Not to mention Will Jr.'s future..."

Hmmn...Buffy glared a moment at her twin...

"Give me that..." Buffy grabbed Will's other arm...

"Ladies...I'm not a chicken's wishbone, you know..." Will eyed one, then the other...Each now with the same exact contented look on her face as each held an arm...

"We'll sort this out later..." Buffy noted... "Lets go...Get the door..." she looked at Botty... Who frowned...

"The hell I will...Giles, get the door..." she insisted...Giles with wry smile at Felix, opening door…

"Wait!..." Buffy stopped short...William groaning as the still-moving Botty nearly yanked arm out of socket...

"Hey..." Botty glared... "Watch what you're doing to my guy..."

"Who the hell's Will, Jr?..." Buffy growled at Will...Who gave a confused look... Uh...She gulped...Expression changing immediately to something like despair... "You..." she eyed Botty who had head cocked at her now, faint smile...

"You didn't..." she shook her head... "Will?..."

"Adopted..." Botty cut in, kindly... "I only just got to him myself...We haven't even had sex yet..."

Phew...Buffy sighed...

"We did kiss though..." Botty grinned... "And God, was it hot...And Will, you should know…I could do pregnancy…One upgrade I insisted on…Though…We would need…"

Eyes Buffy who glares back…No way in hell, you…

"A donor…" Botty, innocent smile… "And it would be a lot easier with me, Will…"

"You little…" Buffy…

"People, please..." Felix urged... "Larger matters…"

A temporary truce for the sake of the greater good of Literature, Dawn's college education, likewise Will Jr.'s, and three literary careers…

Introduction and brief summary over, it was q-and-a time...

"Dr. Walthrop..." a middle-aged woman rose at his acknowledgement...

Dr...Both Buffies beamed involuntarily...

Great...William frowned a bit, catching the glow...A sodden title and now I'm on the A-list, Summerswise...

"Do you maintain that this fictional memoir has some basis in reality?..."

"Uh...Well...Of course there's no such thing as a vampire..." he noted hastily...

Giles sighing slightly with relief...

"But it does reflect some experiences from my own life..."

"Whatdaya mean, Spike?..." a tall geek in strange glasses, plaid shirt, and high jeans rose... "You're the most famous vamp since Dracula..."

"Thanks..." Will smiled, faint laughter among the academic side..."Nice to know I made the character so convincing..."

"But everybody knows about you and your soul quest...And how you laid the Slayer and..."

"I think you're taking Dr. Walthrop's fiction a bit far..." Buffy politely but grimly suggested...

"Yeah...Sit down and shut up..." Botty added...

"One of 'em's just a bot..." the geek fumed... "She can't speak to me like..." He paused as Botty came down toward him… "Unless, you switched…" he eyed Buffy…Who frowned…

"I said..." Botty hissed, suddenly next to him now... "Sit down and zip it...We can do the freak show later if you're a good boy..."

Part of the audience tittered at the obvious bit with a planted heckler...Not to mention the neat mirror trick to get one of the twins to the guy and back on the platform in a millisecond…

That Killey...Anything to push a trashy pop novel...But all in the greater cause of supporting good literature...

"Ms...Summers...?" a hand...

"Yes..." In unison...

"I mean..." the questioner, a young, dark-haired student type eyed the book in hand... "Ms. Buffy R...?"

"Yeah...?" Botty beamed...Buffy frowning...

"The R is short for Rebecca, you know..." she smiled...Wink...

Appreciative titter...

Rebecca?...William thought…

Well, does get the R in…

"You two are twin sisters...?" the man continued... "Ms. Summers?..." he eyed Buffy...Who was trying to stifle a glare at the robot...

Buffy muffled a groan...Buffy Rebecca nudging her...For the greater good…For Will's career at least...?

"Yeah..." curt nod...

"Yet you wrote two different fictional memoirs...?"

"What can I say?...Two books, twice the cash..." Buffy Rebecca grinned...

Chuckles...Felix smiling appreciatively...That's the stuff, girl...

"Though we did want to approach our subject from a few different perspectives...The Slayer choosing duty over love...The vampire turned tragic souled hero...The tragic robot heroine..."

Buffy, blinking...Hey...

"The Slayer of course, a tragic heroine as well..." Will cut in, gallantly...

Buffy Rebecca in her turn now frowning...Buffy, first beam of the evening...

Aw, William...shy smile…

"How come...?" a large woman in print dress rose...

Sorry...She glanced at the attendant bringing her the floor microphone...

"How come there's nothing about Willow?...Or the other girl...?"

"Excuse me?..." William asked, politely...

"Could we hold off on genre questions till the meeting later?..." Felix stepping forward, suggested... "I think right we now we want to stick to questions about the works themselves..."

"But if Buffy slept with..." the woman began...

"I agree with Dr. Killey..." Buffy, hastily...Buffy Rebecca rolling eyes, avoiding Will's stare... "Lets save those questions for later, shall we...?"

"Vamp..." Buffy Rebecca hissed... Casting a stern, dark look at the large vampiress who blinked, then quickly sat down...

Yeah, you better zip it, lady…Buffy added frown…

"Any way..." William continued... "As Ms. Summers noted, we present the characters and their dark world from three different angles...Which..." he pondered a moment... "When you think about it...Isn't a bad way to handle it..."

Buffy Rebecca smiling at him...Aw, Will...

"Bit derivative, isn't it?..." a dark-haired woman in glasses rose..."I mean, I enjoyed the memoir of the male vampire and his dark struggle but the two women..." she shrugged...

I bet you did...Buffy, Buffy Rebecca...Grimly...

"As a writer on similar matters..." the woman continued... "I find the idea of denying the male vamp his nature to be rather conventional...This 'Spike' should express his dark sexual nature  
without restraint…Let the vampire be the vampire…"

"Anne..." Felix shook his head... "You don't have a lock on these things..."

"Some women like to read about female heroines..." Buffy noted..."Especially when they save the guy..." Buffy Rebecca cut in...

"I thought he saved himself..." the woman noted...

"Definitely…But we…Our characters…Were essential in setting him on the path…Besides, the story's not over yet..." Buffy Rebecca smiled...

"Yeah..." Buffy, darkly..

. "What was that crack that guy made about my grammar...?" Buffy frowned as she nibbled at a piece of cheese on her plate...

"He said he thought you used too many adverbs..." Buffy Rebecca noted..."So did I but my galley editor program caught it..."

"Will, can we go and talk?..." Buffy turned to him...William sighing, gulping his fifth glass of wine...

"Yeah, lets...We done our duty here…" Buffy Rebecca, eagerly...Innocent look at Buffy's frown...

"I said...We...Meaning us two..." Buffy, firmly...

"I could bat my eyes the ole way, smile brightly, and say 'duh...Sure, sis...Lets go...' but lets do this the easy way...I was here first, Buffy..." Buffy Rebecca, coldly... "And where he goes tonight, I go..."

"I mean...Unless...You want me to go, Will...?" she asked...Pitiful look...

"Hah!..." Buffy, arch look... "I'd never go...See, Will...She's a doormat..."

"You really think I was gonna go, idiot?..." Buffy Rebecca, arch look back...

All the times Spike dreamed of something like this...William thought,shaking head...If only he'd known the potential horror of it...

"Will…Come on…" Buffy urged… "She had some time with you…"

"Fifteen minutes?..." Buffy Rebecca glared… "After years of rebuilding myself while trying to find him?...What were you doing all this time?..."

"Anything wrong, Walthrop?…" Felix had come over, noting Will's edging toward the main door and escape…

"I think I'm going to be heading home…" Will noted…

"Now, now…The evening's just getting started…Lets go meet a few people who could do the department some good…" Felix urged… "By the way be nice to the overweight fellow who was asking about Spike…He's a computer guru with over two hundred million in the bank…Rupert?...I want to introduce you and Walthrop to one of our benefactors who has a keen interest in your careers…" he led a reluctant Will and even more reluctant Giles to the buffet table where the said benefactor waited eagerly…

"God, who let you in here, anyway?..." Buffy fumed… "How did she get a book published here?...She's a glorified inflatable sex doll…You published her book?..." she turned on Dr. Killey who'd come over after  
leaving Walthrop and Giles trapped, hoping to bring the ladies along as well…He sighed…

"Miss Summers…Miss Summers did do the Council and Humanity valuable service when you were incapacitated…"

"Six feet under incapacitated…" Buffy Rebecca grinned…Glancing over to where William was signing the computer guru's copy of his book…And frowned as the woman who urged William to let the vampire in him, err…His character…Express his nature came over to him…

Stick with your own vamp sex fantasy, lady, she thought darkly as the woman engaged Will in talk, hand on his arm…

"And she was granted legal status as a human being last year…" Felix continued…

"What?..." Buffy blinked…Glancing over at William as well…Frowning with same expression at the authoress eagerly expressing her views…And as much cleveage as possible…To him…

Phew…He was returning…Apparently relieved to escape…

"By our home state of California…Wanna see my paper?..." Buffy Rebecca smiled… "Signed by Governor Schickelgruber and everything…" she pulled a sheet from her purse, handing to William…Ah, very nice…He nodded, politely…

"Angel and I have ones just like it…"

"Please…California would grant legal status to a turnip…" Buffy groused…

"Be that as it may…We felt obligated to assist her in her regeneration…" Felix, nod to Buffy Rebecca… "Myself especially, given that one of the people she saved during her time as Slayer was my  
daughter…" stern look at Buffy…

"Don't mention it, Doc…" Buffy Rebecca, warm beam… "All in a Slayer's day's work…"

"She's no Slayer…" Buffy fumed…

"I beg your pardon…" Buffy Rebecca glared… "I am listed in the Council annals…"

"Giles?..." Buffy stared… "That's a lie, right?..."

"Hey…" Botty…

Ummn…Giles coughed slightly… "Well, you see, Buffy…In the interests of historical accuracy only…"

"Hah…" Botty, archly… "But I did request a change from "the Buffybot" to "Buffy Rebecca Summers…"

"Over my dead again body!…" Buffy raged..

"It's my legal name…" Buffy Rebecca, proudly…

"See…?" she pointed to the cover of her memoir… "A Bot's Odyssey…"

"Wait Are you saying the Council paid for her repairs?..." Buffy looked at Felix

"Well, in a manner of "

"Great, then Giles You're her owner Tell her " Buffy began

"Hey " Buffy Rebecca, staring "Nobody owns me, you trogolodyke "

"What did you call me?..." Buffy, mouth open

"Your little fling's all over the Net, Summers " Buffy Rebecca smiled, archly "Guess your little sex partner was dying to go viral "

"She what?...I I " Buffy looked at William, carefully non commital Not that there's anything wrong with Expression on his face "I was experimenting "

"Tryin' to see if you could have a relationship where you didn't beat or kill your lover?..." Buffy Rebecca, sweetly "Great So just say, 'gay now' and stop bothering us "

"I'm gonna tear your arms off Again !" Buffy cried

"Don't let her hurt me, Will !"

"Buffy, this isn't going to solve anything And you, girl Stop with the cracks "

"Only for you, Will " Buffy Rebecca Grimace at her twin

"You get outta here Look, Will " Buffy, anxiously "I can explain about the lesbian sex thing "

"Yeah, it does explain a lot " Buffy Rebecca, grinning

"Girl "

"Don't call her that " Buffy, pouting "That's what you used to call me "

"Ladies, will you please…?" Will tried…

"Spike may have abused me for sex Not William You meanwhile used me for your killing achine And God knows what was done to me when I was deactivated "

"What?..." Buffy fumed

"I mean given your weird sexual drives After all, Will was possessed by an evil demon, what's your excuse?... 'I was just back from the dead and don't remember a thing?'..."

"What?...What?..." Buffy sputtered "Spike?...Are you gonna let her get away with that?..."Buffy, furious glance to Will

"Me?..." he stared "Suddenly after all these years, I'm supposed to defend your honor?...By the way my name's William "

"Spike's in Hell if you care to go find him " Buffy Rebecca noted "Be glad to show you the way "

"You hunka junk!..." Buffy fumed… "Will, she's a vibrator with a soundtrack…"

"Oh, yeah?…Well, this 'vibrator's' a lot more human than a girl who beats her helpless lover and leaves his resouled self alone in a basement…"

"Will?...You tole her?..." Buffy stared… "You know there were issues…"

"He didn't have to, you're all over the Net, slamming him around when you think no one's watchin'…"

Buffy gasped…Several of the crowd watching exchanging nods…

"There were issues…That year…" she repeated…Mumbling…

"Will, you know there were issues…"

"And I've never been unfaithful…Have I, Will?..." Buffy Rebecca, archly…

"Un..?" Buffy stared…Fierce glare forming… "Un…?"

"Of course I coulda claimed 'widow' status when we thought you were gone…But…There's never been anyone else for me at least…"

"Apart from five lovers…" William noted…

"Just practice…While I thought you might be gone…"

"It's not true…In my heart…" Buffy pleaded…Glaring again at her twin…"You little…Is this your idea of fair?..."

"In love and war, sure…" Buffy Rebecca, solemnly… "And this is both, babe…"

William put hand to forehead…

"You little tramp!...I'm going to smash every circuit board in your sexbot body!..."

"Don't let her hurt me, Will!..." Buffy Rebecca, backing off… Taking advantage of the sit to put arm around him while slipping behind him…

Though…Hey… "Tramp?..." she stepped forward, rage on face… "This from invisible slut girl?..."

No doubt that's on the Net as well…Will sighed…Well, parental controls stay firmly locked till Will Jr. hits twenty-one at least…

"Get out from behind my boyfriend and fight like a miserable excuse for a toy Slayer, you…!" Buffy raged…

"Ladies…Not here…" Giles tried…

"…Barbie doll!..." Buffy shouted…

"I've more heart in my titanium diode timer than you ever had, ice princess!..." Buffy Rebecca replied…Stepping forward…

"…And your book sucks…" she thrust… "Anyone would think Willow, Xander, Angel, and Will did nothing but stand around and applaud you…"

"William…?" Buffy stared at him… "You don't really think…" she suddenly burst into tears…

He put head in hands…All I wanted was a little stroke of the ego tonight…A few positive comments on the work…

"Ms. Summers…Ms. Summers…" Felix sighed…

"You…" Buffy focused on him now, tears drying rapidly… "You brought her here deliberately…Just to humiliate me…You said if I let you publish that memoir he might see and…All the time you knew exactly  
where he was…"

"Now, Ms. Summers…" Felix shook his head… "He did come…"

"Humiliate you?..." Buffy Rebecca frowned… "All you been doin' is bringing up my past in the rudest way possible…Need I remind you that like my Will, I was an innocent victim…Sorta sired you might say by  
Spike and Warren Mears…And like my Will, I escaped my fate with no help from a certain Slayer…"

"Your Will…?" Buffy sputtered…

"Don't remember you going to any trouble for him…" archly… "I won a soul for him…"

"I cut a deal with the Immortal and betrayed…" Buffy began…

Ummn…Eyeing the startled Giles, William…Felix busy glad-handedly keeping the puzzled audience at bay and out of the room…Our authors will be out to start signing in just a mo…

"Well, not exactly…Betrayed…Ummn…Giles, you did insist Angel had gone Evil…" Buffy, nervously…

"His Benevolence said he could help you…" she turned to Will… "All I had to do was not try to reach Angel and interfere with the Partners' plans for him…Hey…I mean Giles thought he was going Evil…"

"You trusted the Immortal?..." Buffy Rebecca shook her head… "Why didn't you go straight to LA and make sure of things?..."

"He said the deal was off if I went to LA…" Buffy sighed… "Will…When I heard he'd tricked me and you and Angel were fighting the Partners…I went nuts…I even threatened Kennedy if Willow didn't get me to LA…But it was too late…"

"Buffy?..." Giles stared…

"What?...You never even told me he was alive…Well, Undead again…Sides, I was only following your orders…"

"I woulda gone straight to LA…" Buffy Rebecca cut in… "What, were you still afraid Will'll take it as a commitment?..."

"And then you disappeared…" Buffy sighed… "And I knew you wouldn't come lookin' for me…And I did go to LA but you were gone and Angel wouldn't tell me where…"

That two weeks I spent in Italy with Dawn…She noted to Giles…I just read a tourist guide and swore her to secrecy…

"He said you'd moved on just like Andrew said I had…" Buffy, tearing up now… "God, I coulda ripped Andy's head off his shoulders for that…And you, Giles…You and your imposter Buffy…" she fumed at the  
Chairman…

"Buffy, it was for your own…"

"At least I managed to wipe that smirk off the Immortal's face before I made him the …Mortal…When I ran him to the ground…Literally…"

"Buffy?...You said he attacked you after finding out about our deception…" Giles, blinking…

"Same difference…Anyway he had it comin'…Will, I did it all for you…I'm sorry I wasn't in LA when you came back…But you coulda come to me…"

"Sounds to me like you just wanted another notch on your belt, an Immortal one…" Buffy Rebecca frowned… "Will, I'd've never wasted time with that stuff…I don't give a hoot about my superheroine rep…"

"What?.." Buffy fumed… "Will?..."

"Will!..." Buffy Rebecca, in unison…

"Arggh Fine, fine Fine!..." bang of fist on wall The Buffies, h and r staring "You ladies have a good time, I'm going home to my boy It was a very " he sighed, shrugged, despairing wave of hand "Catch you in my next tortuous and miserable existence " he headed off

Buffy looked at Buffy Rebecca Buffy Rebecca, Buffy

"Where's he going?...Will?..." in unison

"Avant, begone! Get off my back!...Both of you " he waved a hand at them from the conference center front entrance A shocked group of bibliophiles and horror voyeurs blinking at him

"Is that William the Bloody?..." an overweight fellow in a "Slayers rock!" asked his companion, a tall, fortyish, weedy fellow

"Yeah Hey, Spike!..."

William stepped out the door, slamming violently

"Now that's a Spike exit " the computer guru who'd gotten Will's autograph in "Spike and Dru Always" T shirt nodded to a distinguished looking bearded man in tweed

"You from the Council?..." he asked

"I'm Chairman of the English " the chairman of nearby Amherst College's distinguished English department began

"Hey, the Chairman of the Council's here!..." the heavy set man cried

"He doesn't look like Rupert Giles " one fellow in T shirt with Buffy image plastered across shirt front shook head "I thought that guy was Giles…" he pointed Giles' way…

"You " Buffy glared at Buffy "You And your bright ideas "

"Got him riled, didn't we?..." Buffy Rebecca noted, smiling

"What?..." Giles eyed the two "Do you mean this was all ?"

"Don't, Rupert " Buffy glared "I've been controlling my temper this past year with you but don't Not now "

"We found about Cicely, Giles " Buffy Rebecca explained "Buffy was even madder than I was that you lied to her but when Felix helped me get into the archives and I kinda bumped into her, I managed to  
persuade her you meant well…In a way…"

"Where does he live now ?" Buffy asked Felix "And that's as in 'you damned well better tell me now' " she handled him a copy of her memoir…

"Buffy, Felix has been helping Felix?..." Buffy Rebecca asked He sighed and wrote on the memoir's inner back cover…

"Felix?..." Giles looked at the Watcher/professor "Have you been involved…?"

"Tell him, Felix We've got to go " Buffy Rebecca called, hurrying after Buffy

"Buffy!...You promised to keep this fair !" she called "Wait for me! "

"Buffy?..." a cry from about a third of the crowd at door Looking their way

"Get a life, clown!..." Buffy fumed at the computer guy bearing down on her, autograph book in hand

"Buffy, wait up!...Don't mind her, she's had a hard day " Buffy Rebecca noted, gently taking book "Who do I ?"

"Jonathan Levinson I had my name legally changed " the man explained

"A very good choice " she nodded Looking where Buffy had just thrown the doors back  
"Gotta go, enjoy the party Hey, Buffy!...Wait!..." she hurried off

"Felix " Giles, grimly

"It was either help them or see all my surviving friends on the Council, including you, hung from lampposts by your own Miss Summers Plus it was such an opportunity for the department "

"But they've been…"

"They weren't sure which soul was more Cicely…" Felix shrugged… "They agreed between themselves to leave it to him…Though they have an agreement…"

"Police!..." a well dressed man burst into the hall "A blonde woman in a Lexus just hit my car and drove off! "

So much for my new car…Giles sighed…

"Police!..." a scruffy looking fellow followed in "A blonde woman in a Prius just hit my truck and drove off!..."

"Inform the police " Felix noted to a young receptionist "And the local TV news and press "

"Felix!..." Giles fumed

"Say, Killey " the English department chairman from AC had come over

"Was that really the Slayer and Spike's sex bot?..."


End file.
